Posting again.
As we all know, 2020 was a pretty rough year all around, and very unfortunate. I’ve been super cautious in hopes to not catch the virus, and spread it without knowing. So far I’ve been lucky, but I still had my share of troubles. Had a moth get stuck in my left ear one night while at work. Had to get it flushed out at the E.R. An experience I never want to go through ever again. Back in July of last year, I found out I have early stage cirrhosis of the liver. Most likely because of all the soda, goody powders, and most of all the alcohol I drank. The reason why I was checked was because of the unbearable sharp pain I was suddenly experiencing in my right side.
The pain went away after a couple of days, and I’ve been drinking tons of water ever since. I still have soda sometimes, and a little alcohol every once in a long while. The reason why I drank so much was because of being constantly stressed, depressed, and I just wanted to feel good I guess. Became very addicted to it. No surprise since it runs in the family. As for all the goody powders, I took them for the constant headache attacks that I would get behind my right eye. High blood pressure will do that. Sharp, unbearable pain behind the right eye is not fun. Ever since I’ve been on blood pressure medication though, the attacks have thankfully stopped.
So yeah, not in the best of health these days. Been trying to do better. But to top it all off with my experience of 2020, is when my mom passed away in her sleep back in late September. Almost two weeks before my birthday. Being a caregiver for her, we’ve lived under the same roof for years. She had terrible COPD, and was on an oxygen tank. Her condition continued to get worse, and it was getting to where she needed someone around 24/7. I tried to help take care of her the best I could. Anyway. That night when I discovered she was gone, I called 911, my dad, and my older half brother. I was devastated, and broke down. Took some time off from work, out of town with family. I had to get away from familiar surroundings. The next few weeks were pretty rough, but I managed through it. It got a little easier to cope as time passed. I still think about her everyday though, and miss her a bunch. I let my older half brother, his wife, and kid move into my mom’s side of the house. They offered to help with the bills, so we’ve been working together on that ever since.
Anyway, that’s all I can think of to share that’s happened. As for art, I’ve only been dabbling with it recently. I may get back into doing it more, if I can push myself enough to. Really depends on the mood I guess. We’ll see. As for other online activities, I still use Discord, and Skype. My Vorecadia group on Discord is still around, where I sometimes share vore edits of pics that I’ve experimented with every once in a while. Including other random stuff.
Anyway. That concludes my long overdue update. Thanks again for the welcome, and chow for now.
Life stuff, and a loss. -_-
Doing a journal update I guess since I'm currently bored without a friend to talk with. Haven't been up to very much lately. I've been working a lot at my current job. I finally got full time there a few weeks ago. Still not making enough to make ends meet though. Things still aren't looking very good financially. I may have to get a second job on the side, I don't know. That would be difficult to do since my mother needs me around more than ever lately. Seems like she keeps getting worse with her back problems. 
Maybe I can somehow find a better paying job with decent hours, and then turn in a 2 week notice with this current one. Hopefully something with turn up soon.
My cat also passed away last month, on August 24th, so that was very heartbreaking. Took her to the vet as soon as she started acting weird. She acted like she was drunk, kept wanting to hide, barely made meow sounds which sounded unusual for her when she did. She was just not herself at all. She even collapsed her face into her water bowl, and had to be pulled out of it. I rushed her to the vet as quickly as I could. She meowed weird the whole way. Told them the emergency when I got there, and explained the symptoms. They made me wait a few, then sent me in a room with her to wait. They took their sweet ass time. They weren't even all that busy during that day. I comforted her the best I could while I waited. She reached her paw out to me through the cage door of the pet carrier. As if she were fighting to stay alive, and be near me. I'm convinced she was. I rested my hand on her, and kept petting her. All the while wondering what was taking them so damn long for them to check on her. She then started puking up white stuff while still slurring herself like a drunk against the cage door, before collapsing herself against it. Then it started to sound like she was choking, and wouldn't move her body. I opened the cage and attempted to sit her up. It appeared like it helped, and she stopped. She was still breathing, but barely. I kept my hand on her to make sure she was, but then suddenly her slow breathing stopped. At that point I couldn't wait any longer. I rushed out of the room, and told them I think my cat is either dying or dead. Finally they rush in there and pulled her out of the cage, only to take her in the very back of the building. Less than 5 minutes later, they come back to tell me she's already gone. They apologized for my loss. It took everything I had to not break down. They wrapped her up for me to meet out back. I went to have her cremated later that day. Had to drive out of town to do it. I was supposed to work that day too, but I called in and got covered thankfully. I drank later that evening. As well as the next few nights. It took me a while to endure through the pain, and even now it's depressing when I think about her. I still can't believe she's gone. The house just hasn't been the same without her. She was always so hyper, and craving affection. Acting a lot younger than her actual age. Constantly meowing to me, and following me around everywhere I go in the house. Practically almost making me fall every time since she always insisted on being between my walking feet. She also always insisted to lay in my lap whenever I sat. Heh, I miss her...Had her for 15 years ever since she was a kitten. I always called her my baby girl. I guess maybe it was just her time...Anyway, I'd like to believe that she's still with me in spirit. Possibly following me around. I know it'll take time to get use to, but I'll never stop missing her. I've lost pets before, but I had her the longest. Anyway, I've been telling everyone I know in real life to stay the hell away from that particular vet. Sorry my ass.
Anyway, onto more positive things I guess. I've been attempting to give Discord a chance lately. Up's and down's with that. Also been playing a lot of Sonic Mania. It's been keeping me away from the latest updates on Friday the 13th. I'll get back to that eventually. Still keeping up with Dragonball Super. It's been amazing. Finally got to check out quite a few episodes from Attack on Titan Season 2. I like how they showed Ymir's origin much sooner compared to the manga version. The anime series is still looking as awesome as ever.
I guess not much else has been going on. Every day is more or less the same routine. Sleep, caregiving, work, caregiving, me time alone for whatever, sleep, rinse/repeat. I haven't worked on my latest chapter of Sailor Moon V for a while now. It's still on pause. Still curious to know what others think of the story so far though. Anyway, I guess that's all I've got to share for those who were maybe wondering. Until next time. Love, peace, and chicken grease. Chow for now.
Things have been somewhat looking up. After enduring a personal matter, I feel a little better about it now. Still hurts emotionally from time to time. But...Eventually all things must pass, and nothing lasts forever of course. It was a good run though while it lasted. All the good times can be haunting though. I haven't been single for years. Feels weird. Not sure if I'll ever be able to trust again or not on a relationship level. I dunno. I might start dating again one of these days if the opportunity ever happens to cross my path. Only time will tell.
On to other things. I finally found myself a job. It's only part time for now though, but hopefully it'll be full time very soon. I may have to try for a 2nd job on the side. Unfortunately I didn't get this job in time to help save up for the last house payment, so I was forced to take out a 500 dollar loan for it. Since our savings are about gone now. So now I have an extra bill to worry about for the next 10 months. Yay. This job is alright though. Probably the first one I've ever actually liked. Worked since I was 16, and hated every job I've been at except for this one, lol.
For a few months now I've pretty much been my mothers caregiver, so I still see to her needs as much as possible inbetween work. Being down on your back, and in constant pain can be a hell of a thing. Other than that, I haven't been doing much else. Still play video games, and watch anime here and there to get my mind off feeling so lonely all the time. Only friend I have to hang out with is my roommate on weekends when he's off from work. Well, that and my cat to keep me company. Everyone else I know is either always too busy, or just not interested in the likes of me. Heh, feels just like being on the internet these days. Not sure why I even bother to still use Skype and such anymore. Heh, I'm convinced that I just make for a terrible, boring friend. Anyway...
As far as being creative goes, the only thing I've been working on is my Sailor Moon V story. I continue to wonder what people think of it. Same goes for whenever I use to draw. Yeah, I haven't drawn anything for quite some time. Which is part of why I haven't had anything new to upload here. Sometimes I kinda want to, but it feels rather pointless and discouraging if nobody is ever going to say anything when I share it. That's the main reason I ever drew anything to begin with my entire life, to see what people think. It would help inspire me to do more, and attempt to improve myself. But, DA seems very lacking in social communication anymore. Well, unless you're a god at vore art. I honestly still think that most of these great vore artists around only get comments from people who are hoping for free art. That, or if the vore artist happens to be a girl. *Rolls eyes.* Then again, their work is certainly feedback worthy, and deserves praise, so I could be wrong. At least it makes it easier for them to maybe make some honest friends though.
But yeah, DA has really gone downhill over the years. It's become just like Fur Affinity, Aryion, and everywhere else in the vore community. People use to be more talkative, and friendly. It's a damn shame, considering how much most of us have in common on similar levels of interest. The internet use to always be my escape from reality to meet and perhaps make friends to hang out with, and keep in touch on a daily basis whenever possible. With those of similar interests since it's always been nearly impossible to do in real life. Especially after graduating from high school. But now it feels like the internet is no different from real life, when it comes to that. Then again, I never did get out much, and I've always been terrible at being social anyway. Maybe I am just an unlikable boring individual who's not worth the time of day. *Shrugs* It's certainly felt like I am on the internet for as long as I can remember. I'm convinced that I have a bad reputation for some reason, yet nobody will fill me in on it. Unless it's the constant silence that says it all. That could be it...
But yeah. Unless things around here change for the better, and I doubt they will, I don't think I'll be uploading any art here anymore. Or anywhere else, for that matter. I'll still keep my gallery up though for all you silent fav'ers, and trolling haters out there. Most likely I'll still lurk around online now and then like I always do, and continue to stay out of everyone's way. As for my story, I'll continue to work on it over at "Archive of our own" until it's finished someday. For those of you few who have been supportive these past few months, I give my thanks. As always, very much appreciated.
Well, I guess that's a wrap then. As always...Love, peace, and chicken grease. Chow for now.
To whom it may concern...
Not dead yet, but am sorry for the absence. These past couple of months have been very difficult for me. Much to the point of making this the worst year of my entire life so far. Thus, been drinking a bunch to help kill any emotional pain that's been trying to weigh me down. Mostly due to personal reasons that I won't get into. The old saying is time heals all wounds. Perhaps. I'll admit that it has gotten a bit easier these past several weeks, but an emotional scar may or may not last. But, shit happens, we all deal with it, and attempt to move on to hopefully better things in time. All the while constantly battling our own demons during the process.
I didn't want to leave anyone still here in the dark, like the way I've been treated by those I care about. I still lurk here on DA, and check my page now and then. I may not upload anything new for quite some time, since my inspiration has pretty much been dead for a long time now, but I'll still be hanging around in the shadows like I've always have.
To touch on a few minor details of what I've been doing these past several weeks, is mostly helping see to my mother. She's been down on her back for quite some time, so I've been helping see to her needs as much as possible. I've also been unemployed for quite a while now. My job forced me into a position where I had to quit. After nearly 8 years of putting up with constant bullshit with poor benefits, hate, drama, and poor scheduling, it was finally time that I got out of that hellhole. Upside was, it gave me a bit of a life again, and made it easier for me to see to my mother's needs. Since she has no one else to help her. Major downside, no income...I've been job hunting ever since, with no luck so far. I now regret leaving. Sure, I probably could've gotten me and my client lost and killed by accident, but the job always was a risk. But yeah, for a while now it's gotten to the point to where we've had to rely on our savings to get by, and that's quickly draining dry. My car insurance bill took out the last of what I had in my bank account this month. Lately I'm beginning to get desperate.
Despite my long years of caregiving for "mentally challenged" criminals, I no doubt have a bad rap with every caregiving agency around here by now. I've tried looking into factory work, but they beat me around the bush, and put me on a bad list over shit that wasn't even my fault with other jobs around 19 years ago. Apparently some places can now look up your job history through the internet, from what my brother has told me. And of course they'll take a previous job manager's word over mine whenever they check into these places. I know I have given a 2 week notice back then for a fact. Asshole's...Wow...For years now I've always said that working at a fast food joint would be my last resort. I never wanted to go back to it, but it's beginning to look like I may have to very very soon. That is, if they'll even hire me...I just hope my anxiety can handle it, if it comes to that. Haven't done that in so very long now, it's hard telling.
Heh, all these years wasted on working jobs with no promising career. That's just great...Been working since I was 16 too, and currently 34. Sure, it got me by over time, but still...Heh, common saying around here be "Living the dream." Hah...Anyway, enough venting on that. Hopefully I'll be able to get something soon. Maybe I can get some kind of night shift stocking position at a grocery store or something. That would be nice. Shouldn't be too difficult. I'll look into that very soon.
In between job hunting, and helping see to mother, I've mostly been drowning myself in other things. In an attempt to help keep my mind off of everything that's been bothering me. That being anime, and video games. Rewatched all of Dragonball. Been rewatching Dragonball Z, and of course been keeping up with the latest of Dragonball Super. I also quite enjoyed the new Castlevania anime. Being based on Castlevania 3 for NES. So far I'm impressed with it, and looking forward to the next two seasons. Still behind with Attack on Titan season 2. Hopefully I can get back to that soon, and see how accurate it is with the manga.
For video games, been playing a lot of Friday the 13th. Love the game, but hate Gun Media for being selfish pricks over the Savini Jason. I don't care what high horse backers say about it. It's just more money that Gun Media is losing, and with all the problems they've been having with the game so far, one would think that they would finally pull the shit-clogged stick out of their ass, and give the paying fans what they want. Especially the fans who had no idea about Savini Jason until it was too late, like myself. They even shot down the petition of over 580-ish signatures to buy Savini Jason. Jeez...Players out there even argue that it's a Jason skin, when it really isn't. *Rolls eyes* Anyway, other games I've been playing is Rare Replay. On it, I've managed to beat Conker's Bad Fur Day 64, Grabbed by the Ghoulies, and Battletoads for NES on it so far. Battletoads is as evil as I remember, btw...
Well, that's pretty much my life update. I noticed that someone asked how soon I would upload my latest chapter of "Sailor Moon V" And here I was beginning to think that people didn't like any of it so far. Well, my answer is that I'm still currently stuck on the next chapter. More or less finished, but still needs some tweaking. This one is super long too, and feels a little too drawn out, so I've been debating on it. Not sure if I should edit anything out or not. I may just go ahead and upload it soon whether it's ready or not. A few other chapters to go after that one too, so yeah...I suppose I should really force myself into the mood to continue it, that is if anyone really does like it even a little bit so far...
In closing, this lonely prey is still alive and kicking. Dealing with life bullshit one day at a time, same as anyone else.
Be well, and chow for now.
In the meantime, I've been attempting to dope myself up with Ibuprofen, and goody Powder's to help ease the pain. Sometimes works. Sometimes borrowing a half of Hydrocodone from my mother helps a bunch. It really helps take the edge off when all else fails. Last resort though, because I don't want her to run out of them.